This is by far the most different book I’ve ever read. In this case, I listened to it as an audiobook. And I did it in around 5 days only, not because this was like Harry Potter that enchanted my inner child. To the contrary, listening to this book was so uncomfortable that I just wanted to get through it as quickly as possible.
Why I chose to read this book
Bit of a backstory about why I chose to read this book. I’m in a phase of my life where I’m deliberately trying to put myself through different and uncomfortable situations so I can shake up the years of conformity, prejudices, biases and learned assumptions. I went to my Goodreads “want to read” shelf where I sadly have 190 books waiting to be read, compared to just 61 that I have actually read. Most of my list is a ton of self-help garbage that I need to purge, and then a lot of classical literature, philosophy or fantasy / science fiction. What I realized was that most of these books have no “balls” so to say, in terms of really shaking up my worldview and bringing me closer to reality instead of away from it (which the self-help and outdated classics do wonderfully). I am a big fan of Russian classic literature and probably the only time when a book has really “hit me deep” is when it came from the pen of Dostoevsky or Tolstoy or Bulgakov. So I went in search of what else do the Russian authors have in there similar to that, and that’s when I stumbled upon Lolita. I remember I had heard about this book in the past, that it was about the abhorrent subject of pedophilia and it had been banned in many countries when it came out in the 1950s. That’s when I made the choice.
The Plot
Just going to copy and paste from Wikipedia to save some time.
The protagonist and narrator is a French literature professor who moves to New England and writes under the pseudonym Humbert Humbert. He details his obsession with and victimization of a 12-year-old girl, Dolores Haze, whom he describes as a “nymphet”. Humbert becomes sexually obsessed with Dolores after becoming her stepfather, and romanticizes his obsession. Privately, he calls her “Lolita”, the Spanish diminutive for Dolores.
My takeaways
I’m going to reiterate that it’s an uncomfortable and disturbing read. Nabokov’s prose is incredible and probably the best I’ve ever read. But I think that’s one of the core takeaways as well that the prose can be beautiful while it describes an appalling reality. Also makes me think of how you can never ever assume what’s beneath the mask people put on in their daily lives. You just can’t tell who’s the predator, who’s the prey and who is suffering.
Humbert is the narrator of the book. We’re inside the monster’s mind. He describes what he does, why he does it and the meaning he assigns to facts. This is the unique thing about the book, and the tension the reader has to battle throughout. So often, as I’m listening to this while driving or while walking, I’m just exclaiming “oh my god” or “god damn” from the sheer shock of how Humbert tells you a fact about what he does to Dolores and then turns that into a romanticized story from a greek epic.
So here are my main takeaways from this wild novel:
- Language can distort reality inside and outside — Humbert is incredibly eloquent and poetic. He continuously tries to make what he did sound romantic and aesthetically pleasing. But it’s clear that he was lying, to the reader and maybe to himself as well. Also makes me think of when I look out into the world today to find that those billionaires and politicians who have all the power come from the same mold. Beautiful language doesn’t necessarily lead to beautiful actions. I stand by that.
- Self-awareness doesn’t necessarily lead to accountability — Humbert is remarkably self-aware and knows all about the crimes he commits, especially since he has a single-minded focus in being able to plan it all over long periods of time. He knows that he is robbing Dolores of a childhood, that he has “broken something in her”, but he does nothing to change any of it and stays centered around his desires and his own suffering.
- Love can’t exist unless the other person is allowed to exist independently as well — it’s the classic folly of obsession veiled as love or romance. That’s what Humbert thinks and tries to convince the readers of, that he “loves” Dolores, yet his definition is only centered around his desires and wants, while at the same time he does everything in his power to control, trap and suppress Dolores from having her own identity even after taking advantage of her the whole time.
Finally, I have to say that Dolores’ story is truly tragic and you have to dig deep beneath Humbert’s poetry to find it. She doesn’t have much dialog in the book, but Humbert occasionally drops facts about her crying, feeling trapped, wanting a normal childhood, wanting to escape etc. And even in the end, she couldn’t find her freedom. It’s sad as anything could ever be, but Humbert doesn’t even let you feel that sadness. For most of the listen, I just wanted to punch the guy. It’s true.
Would I recommend reading this book?
This is not for everyone. For the longest time, I thought it wasn’t for me either, because I had this ego that I was either above or too far away from all these types of topics that have to deal with the deepest and darkest realities of the human experience, and especially for women. On the surface, I’m well aware of the horrors that young girls have to face growing up, especially in developing countries or backwards societies. It’s also one of the reasons why I sponsor 3 girls through Children.org (something I highly recommend). But I never had the courage to truly peek beneath the surface and see the horrors and the monsters. Fortunately, I’ve had people come into my life recently that have inspired me to stop staying at the surface altogether.
So, yes I would recommend reading this book if you are in an open state of mind. This novel was ahead of its time. Unfortunately, pedophilia is still a massive problem, probably larger than ever, affecting children across the world, lots of predators out there, from the poor to the powerful, who probably like Humbert romanticize their crimes while they strip away the innocence of children. Fuck them!
That’s all folks. Have a good night!